You've Got to Feel It to Heal It

The healing power of emotional expression

Most of us were taught, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, to suppress or avoid our feelings. Be good. Be polite. Keep it together. Smile. Be strong. Do not cry. Do not make others uncomfortable. The message was clear. Feelings were messy. Feelings were inconvenient. Feelings were something to hide or apologise for.

You cant go around them, you've got to go through them

Just like in the children’s story We’re Going on a Bear Hunt, emotional healing follows the same rule. You cannot go around your feelings. You cannot go over them. You cannot push them aside and hope they disappear. You have to move through them. And the science shows exactly why. When we allow emotions to be felt rather than pushed away, the nervous system begins to settle. Heart rate slows. Breathing deepens. Muscles soften. This is the parasympathetic nervous system activating and inviting the body back into safety.

Naming your feelings helps calm your brain

A well-known study found that simply naming a feeling reduces activation in the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, and increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which supports emotional control. This shift helps regulate emotional intensity and brings a sense of clarity.

The science behind crying

Crying is not weakness. It is biology. Emotional tears contain stress hormones such as cortisol, and crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps you calm down. A recent study showed that crying during emotional stress was linked with shifts toward physiological recovery, including more stable breathing and heart rate. Other research suggests crying may release endorphins and bring a sense of emotional clarity. This is why so many people describe feeling lighter after a good cry. It is your body doing exactly what it is meant to do.

So what does this look like in real life

When a feeling rises, instead of pushing it away, try pausing for a few seconds. Notice where you feel it in your body. A squeeze in your chest. A flutter in your stomach. A lump in your throat. Allow it to have its moment and, if you do not add any thoughts, the feeling will naturally subside within a minute or two.

Once it softens, label the feeling. Try to go deeper here and get granular. If it feels like sadness, what sits beneath it. Is it disappointment, shame, loneliness, embarrassment or abandonment. Using a tool such as the feelings wheel can help you find the exact emotion your body is trying to express.

And remember that connection is regulation. Sharing your emotional truth with someone is one of the most effective ways to settle your nervous system.

A gentle reminder

If you grew up in an environment where feelings were dismissed or shamed, opening emotional doors now can feel like trying to learn a language no one taught you. But you are not doing it wrong. You are reconnecting with your humanity. You don't need to perform strength by staying silent. You don't need to earn your place by being easy to digest. Your feelings are welcome. They always were.